01 02 030405

HASH TRASH. LAGOS H3 RUN NO #2229. MONDAY 7TH OCTOBER 2019. VENUE:-SMOKEY BONES RESTAURANT, FABAC CLOSE, V/I.

HARES: ITCHY THING & BEACH BOY HASH SCRIBE:-MORTAR POUNDER

We set out at sex o clock as is customary, meandered through the narrow parking space that is called FABAC close and headed on left into Ligali Ayorinde, and took another left into Aboyade Cole. So started our sojourn through the streets of Victoria Island; running, walking, boozing and scaring people off sidewalks. Fast forward 50 minutes, over 5 kilometers and plenty cans of beers later (including the strange contraband looking Heineken).

It was time to have a circle, not just any circle but a BIRTHDAY CIRCLE. It was Itchy thing’s birthday run and she decided to do it the hash way by co-hosting the run with her co-hare, Beach Boy and sharing holy water and cake with all hashers present. Highlights of the circle include Multicolor (RA in training was summoned) to read out the hash prayer, and the announcements about the upcoming Erection/Handover run.

The small chops, big chops and side chops was exquisite (Smokey Bones quality as always), the on-on after was groovy. It was a run to remember, it was so good it left all the blokes with boners and left the lumpys itching for more.....

HASH TRASH. LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2228. MONDAY 30TH SEPTEMBER 2019. VENUE:-FIKI MARINA, V/I. HARES: ALBINO, BANGING M.C, GOOD TO GO

HASH SCRIBE:-SIR WILD ROVER

The eager pack set off on over Ozumba Mbadiwe, then up and down Afribank St. The heavens opened and torrential rain blessed the enthusiastic pack, apart from washing all the chalk! Phone sex intervened to locate the promised 4 beer stops. All were wet inside and out as they swam back to Fikis by 7pm.

GM started the cycle with ‘Today is Monday’. Yogurt Maker was stand-in M.O.M and Silent Wanker gave a full swim/trail report. Hares Albino, Banging M.C & Good To Go, scored 10/10 for their run and they sang ‘If I was a Bachelor’. After Hash Prayer, RA iced usual suspects including Beach Boy and Bartender.

Virgins called ‘Saheed and Patricia’ welcummed in usual fashion plus a visiting hasher from Benue ‘Night Train’. Sir Jasper was recognised for his new spaceship! Announcements & Swing Lo! Happy Independence Nigeria! ON ON!

HASH TRASH LAGOS H3 RUN #2227 VENUE: CATACOMBS, IKOYI

HARE:FULLY LOADED DICK HASH SCRIBE: STAR LADY

For the long version of this Trash check back LEFT. A few Booze Cruise survivors were joined by a motley crew of other wankers to enjoy another Monday Hash. The testical adviser Sir Jasper laid one of his best ever trails and weary legs got back to base as the sun was setting...The Hare, Fully Loaded Dick was ably represented by Yoghurt Maker, she of Most High status.

A vehicle was hijacked to assist with the beer stops and dry throats were duly wetted. Our Toto made a timely appearance as the Circle was rallied and was immediately branded 'stand in MOM' by GM, who mismanaged the circle admirably. Before brains became befuddled he requested that Quarterly payers remember to make their payments within the next 7 days.

Waterbreaker rendered a trail report that led us down down down almost to the land of the Aussies. Despite hand and mouthfuls of yam and akara, RA led the congregation in prayer and then handed over the circle to I Can Do All Things....citing a hangover from the Booze Cruise. Stand In RA impressed us by judging snitches, reprimanding latecumers and introducing virgins.

The virgins looked suitably confused as KOP gave them the low down on the definition of a virgin in Lagos Hash. With announcements concluded the anthem was sung.....supper ready!!

BOOZE CRUISE. SEE NEWS AND EVENTS SECTION.

RUN NUMBER #2226- BOOZE CRUISE. SEE NEWS AND EVENTS SECTION



HASH TRASH LAGOS H3 RUN #2225. VENUE: NATIVES BAR

HARES: WENCH WANKER & CUMS IN HANDY HASH SCRIBE: PORNSTAR

Monday is a hashing day was everybody happy?.....You bet your ass we were! Sex o'clock was the time on the clock when the RA and the Hares called the circle in the parking lot of Natives Lounge. She set off the run and off we were, On out in search of the trail and and some Ice cold beer. A few On Ons and some check backs later, we found the first beer and there was nothing better.

The trail proceeded along Ahmadu Bello way And several left turns later, second beer stop of the day. On in was imminent as it was getting dark and some hashers were distracted by a virgin with a wholesome back. On on in to the venue we all arrived as the FRB's had done well in being our guide.

A few moments of catching our breasts ...ooops! Sorry I meant breath,and it was time to FORM A CIRCLE. In the absence of our GM some stand-ins had to be appointed. Pornstar was appointed stand-in GM and was immediately handed a ‘GMcrophone’ and some beer winches were appointed to keep the circle wet. Beach Boy gave us the trail report before we called on the Hares to sing us a song. The RA grabbed her ‘RAcrophone’ and proceeded to take control of the circle. Sir Jasper serenaded us with 'Yogi lives in Yellowstone park' after the hares gave us another song from the ice.

Late cummers ,Virgins and a visitor from the Calabar H3 all had their turns in the 'fuck and center' spotlight before we took snitches and jokes. Sir Windscreen Wiper oversaw Cums in handy, drink from from his new shoes and the RA handed the circle back to stand-in GM Pornstar. Announcements made and the one with a cerebral bottom (Smart Ass) was called upon to close the circle. Swing low Ariba Ariba CHOP READY!

HASH TRASH LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2224. MONDAY 9TH SEPTEMBER 2019. VENUE:-GOSHEN BEACH BUSH BAR, LEKKI.

HARE: SIR WILD ROVER (SWR) HASH SCRIBE: BEACH BOY

It's yet another Monday, another hashing day, another beer filled evening and we were asked to congregate at the Sandy beaches in Lekki by The Wild One...SIR WILD ROVER for yet another epic gathering of wild hashers ready to drink with our running problem. All early cummers began to trickle in and by Sex o'clock SWR gathered us together to brief us on the wild trail he had set by himself.

The trail was windy, with quite a few check backs but that did not deter us from locating the BEER to quench our thirst and what a cold chilled mortuary standard BEER we had. Not just once but twice, and we had MORE BEER then found our way back to base to circle up. The able RA, Star Lady called the circle up and appointed a worthy miscreant (Water Breaker) as the stand-in GM as our able GM was still climbing up the Staircase. The only black ALBINO was the stand-in MOM.

The circle started shortly after with a wonderful song from the RA. Beer wenches were appointed as the officers of the circle were given a down down to handle proceedings for the evening. The hare sang the Lagos song after which the stand-in GM, took over. A few miscreants were iced and during proceedings our able GM came down the Staircase into our midst...

The RA took over after a few beers had been consumed and called up Banging MC to sing a song and he serenaded us with the bachelor's song. Late cummers and virgins were introduced after which the GM took over for closing ceremonies. After all announcements he called in the stand-in GM to close the circle. Thereafter it was on on to big chops and more BEER BEER BEER...

HASH TRASH LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2223. MONDAY 2ND OF SEPTEMBER 2019. VENUE:-FIKI MARINA, V/I. 

HARES: SIR TRAFFIQUE WARDEN & FIGURE 9 HASH SCRIBE:-TUNELESS

Hashers and Harriettes were summoned on this particular Monday to a venue (Fiki Marina) that is considered to be one of the LH3’s most popular OnIn’s because of the amazing lagoon side ambience and hash friendly feel. Unusually enough it seemed that for some reason the typical Lagos rush hour traffic was non existent in the entire city as commented by all Wankers and Wankettes who had made their way to the venue....This could be for one reason only!! One of today’s hares (Sir Traffique Warden) had performed due diligence akin to his hash moniker and ensured that Lagos traffic would be kind to us as all so that all and sundry would be at this run in good time as he had quite a lot in store of us.

His co-hare on this day would be non other than his ‘life companion’ (Figure 9) and this run was a monumental one as her fellow hare was brought to this earth about 30 years ago (Insert sneeze BULLSHIT) and we were all invited to celebrate with them both and a certain superhero (SUPERMAN) who was a fruit of our celebrants days of been a ‘WILD HASHER’!

In usual timely fashion, our able GM and RA (Staircase and Star Lady) summoned us at SEX O’CLOCK to have the hare brief us on what challenges and rewards today’s trail would offer us. Of course we didn’t care about what distance was to be covered but how much beer was to be offered to quench our thirst after begrudgingly walking/crawling/running the streets of V/I. Thankfully the hare assured us that we would DEFINITELY have holy water pass through our gullets more than once....ON ON OUT we all went!

As we meandered through the streets of V/I at some unexpected early point, we ran into the hare! Hopes were raised of an early BEER STOP until we noticed he wasn’t smiling and was in no possession of a vehicle or beer! It was at this juncture (comma) that he proceeded to inform us that the FRBs must have missed a mark and we all had to work further for our beer and check back. We sulked but continued ON ON and as promised met with our hare later on, but this time with mortuary standard inebriate liquids. ON ON we went after this first beer stop as the hare made sure that we would DEFINITELY work up a thirst before enjoying a second beer stop and used every single minute allotted to the trail as he took us on a WILD GOOSE CHASE! He aptly rewarded us with a second beer stop on this run considered to be the SHORTEST RUN this year (Insert another BULLSHIT sneeze). After we crawled back to Fiki Marina for the circle.

After a few after run thirst quenching moments, the speaker and microphones were brought to the circle and it was time to FORM A CIRCLE!!! The GM grabbed ‘HIScrophone’ and the RA ‘HERcrophone’ as proceedings began. Beer wenches were appointed (Toe job, Bullet proof Boobs, and Dick Hunter) to ably SERVICE US with holy water. The hare and co-hare were called to the circle along with the fruit of their wild hashing days to sing us a song and they serenaded us with 2 melodious tunes as the celebrant was rewarded on his birthday run with the birthday song.....

Visitors were welcummed from the Kennels of Delta state and Matako Inspector graced us with a virgin. Sir Missionary was called in by the RA to give us a song and he musically took us to MOBILE, ALABAMA where he shagged the Colonels daughter who in turn had a daughter! Beers drank and all possible shenanigans covered, it was time to end this days circle and OLYMPIC KNACKER jiggled us into a Swing low....

HASH TRASH✍ LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2220. MONDAY 12th AUGUST, 2019. VENUE: -CATACOMBS, IKOYI 

HARE: Mismanagement HASH SCRIBE: Star Lady- Latecummer

Here is the short version of the Hash Trash; For the long version, check back straight ! The usual suspects and one virgin gathered then set off for another problem of running. In the absence of most Mismgmt, away at Nash Hash, Abuja, Hash Logistics, Barakat co-ordinated the run. Travellers from Abuja trickled into the venue throughout the evening…..including our visitors from Uganda, Kenya and Sierra Leone.

Slippery Cummer ably stood in for GM while RA, Star Lady delegated her duties first to Wench Wanker and thereafter to Cums In Handy. There was a steady flow of cold beer thanks to the beer wenches which kept the circle guzzling away happily, singing songs and downing the small chop of yam and akara. Miroo sang a terrible song followed by Double Dickhead and other sundry reprobates. Long term returnees Missionary and Heavenly Legs blamed their long absence on ‘work’ which of course was ‘bullshit’ A virgin of the fair sex was brought along by Public Lay and disvirgined in the usual way.

The solitary piece of ice was subjected to several varieties of ass and survived quite well. As more flights from Abun(j)a landed and the coaster bus drove in the Lagos H3 Running Club with a Drinking Problem hit 32 attendees ! The Ugandan, Tata Fina was on hand to tell us about PAH 2021 to be held in Kampala with a boast that KH3 regularly has over a hundred runners at each Run…… At that juncture, further announcements having been made we Swinged (Swung, Swang) Low. ON ON to next weeks episode

HASH TRASH LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2219. MONDAY 5th AUGUST, 2019. VENUE: -NATIVES BAR.

HARE: Always Free HASH SCRIBE: -Wench Wanker

In the Beginning, Ha sorry I meant Benin gin (in Zuma Voice) Monday is a Hashing day!!!DOWN to Natives bar we all CAME early to beat the Lagos Monday rush and traffic to get to our venue before Sex-o-Clock. After a few minutes at the venue with all the pleasantries exchanged some FBL’s (foreign based Lumpies) were spotted by the Wanker of Wenches. The GM called out ‘Sex-O-Clock!!!’ He the appointed said Wanker as Hash Scribe for the run. The Hare (ALWAYS FREE) with his amazing roundabout (Six-pack), was there to start the run too. And as usual SIR JASPER our specialist in trail laying was at it again.

The run started by 6pm sharp as usual. ON-ON out we went. At the Junction, Pomo!!!! (IDejo/Adeola Odekun) Star lady, KOP, 4 Eyed Willy, Cums-in Handy, Slippery Cummer, Rent-a-Dick, and all the FRBs were in full stride leading the pack.. Oh SIR JASPER where are thou hiding our beer was the cry from the pack...CUMS-IN-HANDY started a fake news of ON BEER and down, down, down, down, down we went, but alas there was no beer! After a while we thankfully spotted SIR JASPER in a corner with ice cold HOLY WATER. After a good walk and run, we came back ON IN to form a circle. Form a SHaKU, Form A Shaku. GM called out! Officials of the Shaku started coming out to have their down downs. StarLady(RA), Yogi (MOM), 4eyes-Willy(Trail Reporter).

At the next juncture POMO!!! 1. We call on the HARE to sing us a song. Then small chops was served 2. Introduction of the Kenyans Lumpies with their down down. Recall Slippy saying something about being the director of the foreign based Lumpies for Nash Hash (no be me talk am ooo) 3. Sir Ozzy Bob was in fully action with lovely songs and together with other songs stars, they got a beautiful down down. 4. Our RA with the Power was Icing all the miscreants especially CUMS-IN-HANDY, twice for fake news and disturbing her Shaku. 5. We love Virgins we love VaGINS…. And it was nice 4 VaGINs….. 3 Blacks Ones and 1 White One and one with a........ 6. Then a Down Down for the NASH HASH goers. 7. Then Icing of some more miscreants .e.g Tokunboh, Smart Ass, and some of our VaGINS. 8. Pants down, and someone set something in my front but I resisted. Swing low, hummmmm,hummmm, 10. SILENT…. DOUBLE TIME … CHOP Ready...

HASH TRASH LH3 RUN NO:2218 MONDAY 29/07/19. VENUE:NATIVES LOUNGE OJU-OLOGBUN CLOSE,IDEJO VI.

HARE: APAPA H3 RA SIR WINDSREEN WIPER. HASHSCRIBE: MULTI COLOUR

Assembly: At this juncture!(pomo), Again the unrepentant bloody miscreants of LH3 came from far and wide across the city of excellence, cloaked as Hares and Harriets, they all left their respective hustles and bustle to conjugate and Lubricate at this Semi Traditional looking Tavern located at one croony corner in Idejo street off Adeola Odeku,in the heart of Victoria Island, named NATIVES LOUNGE.

There was amiable transmission and throat wetting among all early bird Wankers present an hour before the run time.The likes of Multicolour, GMStaircase, Fuck4, Mortarpounder, Nameless Vera,Waterbreaker,Morecondoms,FDH and Slippery Cummer (aka 3wisemen), However!(comma), the constant moan for Rego by RENTADICK "PAY YA MONEY!!!" Kept Banging into our ears until sex'o'clock dot and the GM whistles RUN Alarm for out

RUN:SEX'O'CLOCK out we headed down danmole street onto idejo, checked back into Saka jojo and check back again to Idejo on to Bishop Oluwole,And into amodu Olaju something street and here and then we did a checking wait along Saka Tinubu street and then we saw something like it and to the entrance of Ologun Agbeje street close to the Post office where and apparently we got lost of the trail,the front running bastard's e.g FDH as usual left the pack behind.So we Wanked off Adeola Odeko still searching for beer.Eventually we wandered back to discover the beer stop at one corner called AbaGon close and all couldn't help but get lubricated quenching their dried up guts.

Low and behold some bloody miscreants in the name of Albino and Banging MC of the Arepobates drove in to beer stop while we were in disarray as to how to find back the trail. Due to missing the trail we did 🔛🔛 back through Adeola Odeku to Natives Tavern. Before the kick off of the circle A sexident occurred with one Smart Ass car running onto another car which didn't stop us from consumating our Lager.

CIRCLE: At 7.05pm the circle was called on. Officials of the Circle: GM-STAIRCASE RA-The Amiable STAR LADY MOM MOST HIGH- YOGHOURT MAKER TRAIL REPORTER-CUMMS IN HANDY

The GM wetcumm all in Circle,gave down down note to officers of the circle, trail reports was given and run rated. The RA came in and at some point appointed Pant puller as Stand-in RA. Which he sexellently perfomed.He called Abuna Adviser and Beach Boy front and centre to give us hash Rendition. Abuna Adviser sang us ( I don't want to join the army) which he was given a down down note for a wonderful song. Beach Boy gave abullshit rendition. Meanwhile the TASTY AKARA of NATIVES roamed round the Circle by BodyGuard himself as SMALL CHOPS and we had a handful of it. More condom was called in and he did a fucktasic rendition too.

We love virgin's and the virgins were Wetcumm the LH3 style. MoM came singing the Wild Hasher rendition at this point we had quite a frenzy in the cirlce and we rhymed along fantastically . Stand-in RA Pant Puller appointed DGM Peacemaker who also gave a fucktasic rendition.

Ceremony: Tonights naming ceremony was to the Nameless AXEL who has now become "TOKUNBOH" moving forward. Pant Puller then closed the circle...swing low. Big Chops ready....

HASH TRASH LAGOS. H3 RUN NO 2217. MONDAY 22nd JULY 2019. VENUE:-TIGER BAR, IKOYI.

HARES: Keep On Pumping (KOP) and Star Lady (SL) HASH SCRIBES:-Pantpula

The Foreplay...

We love Virgins, however (comma) they are difficult to come by in Lagos, alas, this was a virgin venue. We all gathered at Tarzan bar in Ikoyi, unlike the last virgin venue we experienced that was proving difficult and playing hard to get, this virgin venue welcomed us with open hands and legs... The hares are none other than KOP and Star Lady and we all know what happens even when one of them decides to host, so the combination took us to ecstasy level. We savoured the new virgin venue while waiting for the run to start. The Trail layer is SL

The (Sex) Run

The run started by sex o’cock, ON ON, we went ON and ON, we went left, right and centre, the chalking was good.. the FRB had a field day and the pretender FRBs (PP) also had good day..we followed the well-laid trail, everything seems to go well until the supposed trail layer forgot the trail she laid and was directing us wrongly.. anyways, she got back part of her brain (back)DELETE and we continued to the first beer stop.. the beer was mortuary standard, the FRBs led the run and the wankers and others followed until we got to the second beer stop and from there it was ON ON in. However (pommo) we noticed many were following the pussies and not the hares... I blame SL for bringing some lumpies to harass us during the run..

The (Circle) Postplay

This was started by a melodious song by the GM and down down for the officers of the circle, these officers are RA: Starlady, Trail reporter: Wench Wanker; S-MOM Yogi, Hash Scribe: PP and Beer Wench; False Alarmist The hares were called and they sang the Days of week song able conducted by KOP and SL, the song was so terrible and we requested for another song, they now sang IN MOBILE

The run, the venue and ambience scored 10/10

AND THE SMALL CHOPS WAS TURKEY !!!!!! (if this was the small chop, what can therefore be the big chop... kept crossing my mind) The GM then handed over the circle to the RA, for the first time, I saw the RA brought a lumpy to translate her English, the lovely lumpy dutifully translated the RAs orders and commands, ( I was later informed the lumpy’s role was actually a human loudspeaker, not a translator) we had some virgins, some latecomers.. and a Sinator all fumbling and caressing our wonderful ICE. KOP introduced both the Sales Director of NBL and the management of the TIGER Bar, this is a family business, ran by the second generation. MORE CONDOM closed the circle with the Swing Low We had our mega big chop and ON ON after

 

HASH TRASH. LAGOS H3 RUN NO 2216. MONDAY 15TH JULY 2019. VENUE:-FORESHORE HABOUR, ROYAL PALM DRIVE,IKOYI. HARES: MATAKO INSPECTOR & SLIPPERY CUMMER

HASH SCRIBES:-TUNELESS & FULLY LOADED DICK

Well well....a popular saying goes on the hash that ‘WE LOVE VIRGINS,WE LOVE VIRGINS.....’. Alas on this day our thirst for virginity blessed us with a virgin hare as well as a virgin venue! We had been summoned to defile an actual untouched venue at Foreshore Harbour in Ikoyi by a hasher who sought to sow his ‘none haring oats’ in tandem with a notorious ex GM who had the reputation of CUMMING ever so slippery. Our hares today were MATAKO INSPECTOR AND SLIPPERY CUMMER! There was a threat of GOLDEN SHOWERS from above and a few drips here and there but our RA gave us some good news that PUCI HUNTER (even though not present) had been cuntsulted and he and his BLACK COCK had promised nothing to fear; we would have a dry run.

We received word from the hares that SIR JASPER had been sent ahead to an estate named after an aquatic mammal (DOLPHIN) to mark out a trail that would lead us through the path of sober unrighteousness to vehicles filled with substances to lubricate and inebriate us. We were promised at least 2 beer stops and wasted no time to be off as the clock struck SEX! The FRBs went ahead to find chalk as the initial part of the run was chalkless but in true reliable fashion found chalk laid by Sir Jasper getting into the estate! ON ON.....!

We made our way following Sir Jaspers well laid trail and alas a few minutes in, were blessed with not just 1 but 2 BEER WAGONS to quench or thirst. A second beer stop after was provided and after we thought we were done drinking, the hares provided a 3SOME of beer stops just before we came ON IN!

Just as we readied to commence circle proceedings there was an attempted infiltration by an agent of ‘WAHALA’ to stop us from having a jolly Monday circle but in true hash spirit we conquered and the call of FORM A CIRCLE was announced as we should all moved out to the street just outside the premises. The circle kicked off by the GM (Staircase), and the MOM most high (Yogurt Maker) was made the stand-in MOM for the day; Chameleon Clit ‘the returnee’, ‘Cooking friend’ and ‘Dick Hunter’ were appointed the beer wenches. The Hares was called to sing us a song, and they gave the ever popular ‘DAYS OF THE WEEK’ reminding us that TODAY IS MONDAY, MONDAY IS A HASHING DAY, IS EVERYBODY HAPPY???

The RA (STAR LADY) took charge of the circle during proceedings and decided to make the biggest miscreants seen to be disruptive to her circle take charge as stand-in RA’s.BEACH BOY and WENCH WANKER were given this honour and they ably abused their powers as they iced people left, right and centre. ‘The fugitive’ was welcummed back to the fold as a returnee and new Virgins introduced then it was time to close today’s circle. Horny man was given the task to close us up as we put our pots and pants down as we swung low....

Hash Trash- LH3 Run number 2210, 10th of June 2019. Venue-22 Akarigbere close, V/I. Hare-Blojak

So as usual the gathering started of the reprobates who have nothing better to do on a Monday evening, than to partake of the joy of building up a thirst wandering through the streets of V/I, before proceeding to consume copious amounts of beer! Our hare for the day was none other than our former grand master (blojak) who was gracious enough to host us on one of his visits from where he now calls home, in one of Mama Charlie’s provinces named after a lumpy with an ample bosom (Manchester)!

His base as usual was from his naija based home in the close that sounded like one of those unfortunate instances where not wearing a condom during intercourse would lead to the statement a few weeks later from a female uttering the words ‘I carry belle’! Sex o’clock struck and he informed us that we would have a 3some of beer stops (YESSSSS!) and that we fortunately had a trail set by the very IMMORAL SIR JASPER! Off we went!

In usual fashion walkers and runners alike meandered through the mean streets of V/I looking for signs and chalk that would lead us to the main reason most of us showed up in the first place (BEER OF COURSE!).This was no easy task however (coma) true to his word the hare kept his promise and at different intervals we were able to stop to quench our thirst and were back at the ghastly close by 7pm.

Pleasantries and insults exchanged between us all for a safe return and the GM&RA then called for the circle.Songs were sang and the Hare even gave us in true Michael Nackson fashion his hit single of the ‘days of the week’. As this was going on the beer Wenches were of course ably filling our pots with holy water as we drank and sang the night away. During festivities when the RA took over she noted that a certain unnamed miscreant who had the notoriety of offering his services to the beer wenches needed a name. He was iced, baptised and will forever now be known as Wench Wanker. Songs sang, beers drank and festivities ended; the GM then called in Fuck my life to end the circle in usual fashion as he conducted us to swing low...sweet chariot..coming forth to carry...ALAS CHOP WAS READY and we live to drink and run another Monday!

HASH TRASH- LH3 RUN NUMBER 2211, MONDAY 17th OF JUNE 2019. VENUE-POLISH SAUSAGE CLUB, 10 IDEJO STREET, V/I. HARES-KRZYSTOV AND GREG THE GECKO.

HASH SCRIBE:- TUNELESS

The miscreants of the LH3 were on this Monday summoned to a location which we received word that was some sort of residence that housed long and meaty phallic like objects (Sausages!) which were produced from a country located in Central Europe (Poland).The Polish Sausage Club was our genesis point of today’s run and we had a joint haring of a virgin hare (Krzysztof) and one of us who on this day many moons ago, would have never been born if his father had seen that the end of the condom was torn....!!! (It was Greg the Geckos birthday).

In usual fashion the GM and RA took over proceedings just before SEX O’clock and mentioned that he who had constantly been asked not to touch (OH SIR JASPER!) had marked out a route that we were all to follow, hopefully not get lost that would lead us to the promised land of BEER!!! The time for all Wankers and Wankettes STRUCK, and off we went!!!!

This days trail felt a bit like dejavu as we had hashed from a venue that was a stone throw away from today’s venue, a week ago. For most of us this was welcome as it meant we would most likely would find our way fast enough to quench our thirst using HOLY WATER!! Sir Jasper came to our rescue at 2 different intervals and our prayers were answered, then we made our way back to the genesis of our run where we were taken underneath a Mango tree within the fortress of the long meaty phallic object club!

Miracle Maker had performed his civic duty as usual and the beers were at mortuary standard on our arrival; and hashers wasted no time in lubricating enough before the circle. Lanterns were brought out for us to see since NEPA was performing its own civic duty, to ensure we would have sight of each other and our beer mugs. GM and RA then called us all to order as the circle was to commence.

We were lucky to have the presence of world renowned Master of Music (Totorial Professor) in our midst to serenade us and carry out directives of rewards/punishments on order from the GM and RA. We also welcomed back from ‘a near beer death’ our trail reporter (Silent Wanker) who had resurrected after a beer coma last week, and in true GPS fashion, he ably gave the days trail report.

Songs were sang, miscreants were punished and outstanding hashers were rewarded. The birthday boy provided some additional holy water and so did Tuneless, who also brought a cake for his birthday just past.They were blessed by the elders and shared amongst everyone. New virgins were welcummed, beers were appropriately consumed and another LH3 circle had CUM TO AN END......CHOP READY...!!!Swing low, sweet chariot....

HASH TRASH -LH3 RUN NUMBER 2212, MONDAY 24th OF JUNE 2019. VENUE-FIKI MARINA, V/I. HARE-MORE CONDOM

HASH SCRIBE:- TUNELESS

On this Monday the sky opened up around noon and showers were bestowed down on the city of Lagos. Usually due to the strong rain stopping powers of our almighty RA, it was always the trend that closer to SEX O’clock that the rain would cease and we would indeed have a hash without any rain.But alas we received word that our RA would be unavailable for today’s runs, which meant a wetter than normal run expected! We were not despaired at all since as we all know sometimes the wetter the better On this Monday the sky opened up around noon and showers were bestowed down on the city of Lagos. Usually due to the strong rain stopping powers of our almighty RA, it was always the trend that closer to SEX O’clock that the rain would cease and we would indeed have a hash without any rain.But alas we received word that our RA would be unavailable for today’s runs, which meant a wetter than normal run expected! We were not despaired at all since as we all know sometimes the wetter the better

As most hashers are already accustomed to we hash ‘CUM RAIN OR SHINE’ so this bit of wetness was no deterrence to those that had graced this run which was being hared by non other than the ever galant MORE CONDOM.Some even suspected that he summoned this kind of weather to ensure that most showed up wearing their RAINCOATS (Note that this word is often used to refer to a condom.Despite the wetness of the poles and walls of V/I we were informed that the ever dependable SIR JASPER had some magic chalk and we would have a marked trail and BEER at intervals. Armed with raincoats and swimwear we set off on this WET RUN

All made their way through the flooded streets of V/I and Sir Jasper ensured that not a single pair of shoes would be spared baptism from above and below, and he had indeed marked out a trail by virtue of his magic chalk. Despite the challenges with the weather we did have a beer stop and made our way back to FIKI marina for the second.

The GM called for the circle and not too long into proceedings remembered that a certain co-hare from last weeks venue of the ‘meaty phallic like club’ had not been named and he called for a naming ceremony to be conducted. This hasher will now be forever known as POLISH SAUSAGE! The standing RA for the day was none other than the ladies underwear remover (PANT PULLER) and he promptly took charge of the circle and warned the late CUMMING male hashers to ensure CUMMING slow on other days of the week but fast (or on time) on Mondays! He also made sure to point out that they were no excuses for missing a Lagos H3 Monday Run regardless of what country or situation one found themselves in!!

A circle is never complete without SIR Wild Rover serenading us with a wonderful song and he did just that with a well received song that was not known to many. Inspired by said new song More Condom quickly put a group together that will forever be known as the ‘NACKSON 4’ (Slippery Cummer, More Condom, Pant Puller and Tuneless) to serenade the circle with a hash version of the DO-RE-MI song.

Beers drunk, announcements made, water saved, hashers wet from head to toe and another LH3 Monday circle had CUM to an end and the biggest miscreant in Lagos hash history and a student of SIR FIKI the PRIKI since 1932 and a distinguished AREPROBRATE (FUCK 4) was called in to end today’s circle as we swung low.......CHOP READY!!